2013x12x30

Today was boring as shiiiiieeeeettttttt xo I love anime don't get me wrong but today I literally did nothing but watch music videos all day other than the small amount of exercise I did >..< I'm suppose to go to a friends house tomorrow to spend New Years with them since I'm not going to get to see my family all break. It's weird that even all of the international students got to go home and see their families in their own country and yet me, whose family lives like 5 hours away, have not. I'm not trying to complain like a bitch ass niggah because no offense to my family but I don't really care if I see them or not. I'm not an emotional little shit that can't go a weekend without going home like other people I know here. I just want something different to happen!!! When shall my love return so that we can watch anime and dramas together x''O //cries a river//
Miss You ♥

Finished Little Busters! (Sort of)

Yup I finished Little Busters! and I'm currently about to start episode 11 of Jigoku Shoujo Futakomori. It's bullshit because when I finished episode 26 I was crying like a little bitch, and then suddenly the next episode is an OVA xO then I finished that and started crying again...like a bitch nigga. Then I find out that there's another season called Little Busters! Refrain...buah asdfj kl;isdjfa; what the fuaaaackk xO
Oh well I must watch it because my love recommended it along with shit tons of others like Attack on Titan and Gintama. Thank You my Love x3
Daisuki ♥

Life 1-1

I ruined someone's life today. I'm sorry child but you had it coming. Feel free to come at me, just do it at your own risk. When someone tries to punch Chuck Norris, you bet your ass you're going to get roundhouse kicked in the dome. So please, don't go about telling people about how I'm such a bitch. Please, I'm EnjiaruBitch, there's a difference. 

On the plus side, I fixed someone else's life. My RA be mah niggah :3. So don't fuck with him. I don't give a flying fuck if your his ex, I'll bring you down a notch all the way into fucking hell. If this dumb bitch thinks she can gather up all of his enemies under the banner of hating him, well please bring as many as you like because I'm a one bitch army, and I'll take all of you down. Straight regulate on some mofo's shiieett, real niggahs wassup xp

Enough of that :3 my love made a karaoke video for me. I bet it's going to be Abingdon Boys School or Uverworld. It's going to be cute as shit I can't wait. My feels will flail xp
Love You ♥

Pussy Good Enough To Eat 0.o

I remember when the song first came it and everyone was bashing them for it but hey they pole dance really well. They had to practice a lot too. If you look closely at their legs you can see bruises, so fuck off. I still can't  get over this video though it's hilarious as all shit. The lyrics are just like what the actual fuck xp. Also I'm awake -.-t at this hour...why??? And I didn't get to talk to my love at all :"{ //cries a river//



Still Love and Miss You ♥

Did I Title Something Sleepless Already???

My R.A is the worst/best fucking person ever. I haven't been sleeping well lately and I have a strange feeling it's going to become a problem to my health soon (as if I didn't already have enough bullshit health problems to deal with). For example, last time I slept was at 6am of Dec27 and I woke up at 9am three hours later. Now it's 1am the next day. So my RA gave me shit tons of Nyquil pills and melatonin and acetamenaphin. They're supposed to help with sleep and pain and I'm not sure if it's okay to mix all three. I want to as an experiment but every time I've done that I've ended up with internal damage to my body and I'm supposed to me taking care of myself because there's someone I like and said I would wait for.......kind of sad that that is the only reason for me taking care of myself xp oh well right. 
Also I've been playing my bass a lot when I'm not cleaning this shit hole of an apartment and just ordered a microphone (also a space case week grinder that should have been here yesterday @fuckers) so I'm thinking of posting videos of me playing songs and see if that motivates me to play more and learn new songs. So if anybody even reads this shit you should tell me if you like to see more of what I'm  about. :3 And the weed grinder is pretty much because the brownies were legit as shit xo Until next time, I'll just keep at Little Busters! and see if my body decides it's bed  time soon.

Love You ♥

The Break Until Now

I never noticed but one the restrooms in the apartment I live in hasn't been open in almost a month. It's not the restroom that I use so I never really cared. Then, maintenance came in today saying we had a toilet issue that we requested...it wasn't my restroom so I let them to the other only to find it locked. When he opens it, the fucking place was flooded and smelled fucking terrible >..< One of two dipshits in my apartment clogged the fuck out of it with tp. I bet it was 250lbs fat fuck who did it too. We have room inspections going on from Jan 6-15 and I'm the only one staying for winter break. So that means I'm stuck cleaning this whole fucking apartment on my own filled with a shit ton of fucking mess that I didn't even make. Our sink is overflowing with dishes and I don't even own any, yet I'm stuck having to do all of them, and clean the kitchen, and vacuum all the floors, and the worst of course is cleaning the fucking restrooms. I also don't have proper cleaning supplies for any of this shit. Damn am I fucking screwed. I like blogging it allows me to let  things out without being too self conscious of what I say. But because this place looks like Chuck Norris walked in threw one roundhouse kick and walked out, I may not be blogging as much as I was earlier. D'; //cries a fucking river// (still not worse than the flooded restroom). That means I have to take a break on watching Little Busters and Jigoku Shoujo and on playing my bass. I realized I still haven't eaten today......hmph. 0.o oh well. I got to talk to my love for a while last night xD

Love You ♥

Little Busters!

If you don't watch anime then fuck you xo Also this is suppose to be a sky ish color so if you don't like it to you as well I'd like to say "fuck you". I chose this color because of the anime I just watched. Little Busters was pretty legit and really fun to watch. Sure I was blown all 13 episode and I'm sure that there's more episodes out there I just can't find them and don't know the order in which the season are. So if anyone wants to help me out with that please do so :3 I liked Nishizono a lot for some reason maybe because that's about where the 13th episode ends. But she wants to be a beautiful beard or at least something pure like a white bird drifting/flying freely through the never ending never touching midst of the blue ocean and blue sky. She gets over her self and decides to join the Little Busters. It's really sweet. Give a chance yes??? I did, thanks to someone ♥
Love You ♥

Breaking Even (I Think)

Does this color look angry??? Fuck it don't give a shit.
So I was suppose to be going home today when the worst fucking things happened,
1st - I got my bike stolen, therefore I have to skate with 50lbs worth of luggage to a train station 3 miles away.
2nd - I lose my phone on my way to the station.
3rd - I retrace my steps after already getting to the train station with 20 minutes to spare and I make it all the way back to my school.
4th - An adorable old Asian couple found my phone, returned it to me, and wished me a Merry Christmas.

Now if it wasn't for that adorable old Asian couple, I would fucking stab the shit out of someone right now. I also don't want to be sober any more, but with my RA gone and nobody to get stuff from because I'm pretty much like the last fucking living thing still in this school, chances are I have to start a sober streak after 8 straight days of being blown the fuck out of my mind. So the only things keeping me sane for the rest of this year are:
1.) Adorable old Asian couple that returned my phone and wished me a Merry Christmas.

2.) My Love sent me a smiley face on facebook xD (shit made me spazz)

Love You ♥

Fucking Assholes xo

I was right, my bike was stolen. That sucks so much ass. The reason I couldn't be home for Christmas was that some douchebag thought it would be a good idea to use bolt cutters to cute my bike lock and take my bike. I found the brocken lock and was immediately filled with something I could not express. As if everything wasn't going not so well that had to happen. So of course, I had to use a substance again today. It is now the 8th day in a row that I'm not sober. This is actually kind of sad. It's like I really don't have anything better to do for myself. Let's just hope this is temporary. I can't allow to lose myself when I'm wating for you  ♥
Love You♥

Seriously???

Holy fuck balls I can't believe what I did last night. Yes I did just check my previous blog post to confirm it. Last night,,,,,,,we made,,,,,,,fucking special brownies >..< I can not fucking believe this shit. It was crazy, now that I think about it, I still don't know where the fuck my bike is. Also, that's the reason I have to spend Christmas 100% alone this year, all because I don't know where my bike is so that I can get to the train station. What horse shit. I'm not using this as an excuse to keep doing the stupid things I've been doing but hey since I"m going to be here all alone for a few weeks then why the fuck not fuck myself up. With thinking about the one I love and can't have, not having anything to do, not being able to go home from Christmas and New Years, and knowing there's a high possibility that my bike was stolen.......I don't want to be able to think clearly. I'm very sorry if I disappoint you. =[
Love You ♥

It's happening

This totally just happened xo I'm not feeling anything yet but I bet that whenI do, it's going to be some Fucked up ass shit. Xp I'm disappointing so many people right now but Fuck it. I just found outI'm spending Christmas here all alone. So I much rather not be conscious about that right now. To my love, I'm so sorry. It's times like this that you would usually be here for me. But you're not mine either way. However...
Love You <3

Stage 2

Haha I'm so fucking excited and actually a bit scared at what I'm about to do >~< I can't bitch out now though they're about to go in the oven xp we'll see final results in a while xD I need to call my parents and tell them they're going to have to pick me up xp
Love You <3

Oh wow >~<

This shit is actually happening like what the actual Fuck. I can't believe I'm doing this. Me from a year ago would stab the shit out of me now xp I'll be like telling my parents like "Mom Dad future me is a piece of shit >~<" it'd be so cute xp I'm not proud of all he thing I'm doing and I'm not bragging about it either but I've got to say, I'm impressed to see where I've gotten since college started. Dumbfounded and lovestruck. Also trying to not give a Fuck xp
Love You <3

The Final Day

After going 3 rounds yesterday I think I still feel it. My mind is really really out of it. But I'm totally cool with it. What I'm not cool with though, is that I cannot find my fucking bike xo How the fuck did I lose that shit. Since I live on campus in a University it is very likely it was stolen. I don't want to assume that just yet though.I'd rather find it. Today is my last day here before I  go home in like 10 hours.
Also today we're making special brownies. It's not something I've done before so this ought to turn out either really well, or quite the opposite. The most I can hope for is to still be fucked up when I arrive to my home at 8am xp I'm sorry My love
Daisuki ♥

Round 3 of the day -.u

I just did so much right now I'm like out of it. I can hear music but I know I don't have my ipod on and my laptop isn't playing anything. My whole body feels so tingly it's weird. Especially the top of my ears. I'm having some trouble typing this but it's okay. My hands don't need to be functional since the hand of the one I love hold another's. ='( But since I did say I'd wait, I'll bear it. Because I love you. :3
Daisuki  ♥

During/after/Before

I'm not even high anymore. This is total bullshit. Now my RA wants to do it again. Fuck it might as well since first time didn't work. I started thinking again and that's no fun. Love isn't bad, just not  being able to have the person you love is fucking torture. Now time to get lost on a substance and caught in space. Still, you know you are my star :3 I'll reach for you.
Love You ♥

Post Substance

I mean post as in after but yes this is also a post. I'm feeling it slightly. I'm not fucked up as all shit but I'm not 100% clear either. I'm somewhere in between but leaning closer to the clear side. Hopefully it gets better in a few minutes. Also no I don't get the munchies, when I eat food, I barely even feel and taste it so there isn't really a point. Again, nice and short.

FUUUCCCKCKKK AGAIN!!!

This one is pre blog. Yes I'm off to do it again I got roped into it. :/ That's why this one is purple. Haha Although I do need it though because ♥person keeps coming into my mind and fuck how does that suck. This one is nice and short because I need to use the restroom and immediately afterward I'm off to wonderland. I'm so sorry ♥

Crazy Tomorrow Maybe???

Obviously my week hasn't been going all too well. I've been on substance abuse all week and I've only been sober 1 day all week. And that one day of being of clear mind made my clear mind be enveloped in thoughts of you. Of course going to our view made me think of you and miss you like crazy. So my RA got the most random idea suddenly.
Tomorrow, we shall make and devour and edible. It shall be my last day here before I go back home to my family and pretend like I'm normal. To you my love, whom I know does not approve of what I'm doing, I'm very sorry. I'm hurting.
Love You :3

Our View <3

This night was very special to me. Ever since that day, I come up here on my own and look out into the city and think of you. I miss you so much I can't stand it. I don't know what I'm going to do. I walk to the edge and I feel like jumping, but then I remember,,, I said I'd wait. And to do so, I must live. So for you, I'll live on, in hopes that one day, I can hold you and look out into the city like that first day. Only this time, I can say you're mine :3
Love you <3

Not Again

I had the chance to lose my mind through the use of substances but I decided not to. I've been on too many fucking drugs this week and I thought "Hey, I've been doing this every single day of the week, I should maybe give it a rest." So today is the first day of being sober all week. And obviously, I find myself thinking about that one person that is extremely dear to me. I wondered, "If I were to give it all up for you...would you give me a chance???" ♥ (My special person) means a lot to me and I would honestly stop doing all of these things I've been doing just for ♥ if asked to. Which puts this song to mind.

   

Again??? o.O

Finals week is officially over...for everyone. All the people in the dorms have been officially kicked out and the cafeteria is closed so everything is empty as shit. I live in the double apartments on campus which are meant for all the international students (Germans and Asians) to be able to stay over vacation breaks in which they can't go back home to, so I can be here all vacation if I fucking feel like it. Out of the five people who live in the same apartment as I, only two of us remain. It's my RA and me, and first things he says after barely getting up from the little adventures we've had  the past week, "Hey, want to get high???"
Are we seriously doing this shit again >..< This will have been the fourth day in a row. Not counting that yesterday we did it twice. The only plus side is that I haven't had time to think about my little heartache. But do I have to be out of it all vacation??? I might become dependent on it xo That'd be fucking terrible.
Well, if it happens then whateve's. I'll blog about that later and tell how it went.

Last Night

Again with the weird grey ish haze color because A.) Last night is a blur. B.) I don't know exactly what I had, nor do I know how much of it I took. C.) Did I take a fuckin molly??? D.) Why the fuck were we driving??? E.) Taco Bell is fucking orgasmic when you're cold as tits and you're biting into some triangle quesadilla that's warm with cheese and spicy dorritos chips... F.) How'd I get home and into my bed???
This list of question can fuckin go on and on for ever. Last night was just a complete "WTF". I remember blogging about how I'd go back to the party later to see if it was better but nope, I never did go back, and also, I'm like sure as all shit that it didn't get better. Now that that's over, I don't think I'll be really doing much of anything for the rest of winter break which is pretty sad because I'm starting to get accustomed to having a substance to stop thinking about that one person I like. Which is really bad what if I get addicted. xo I guess I just need to make sure I keep control. But if the chance arises again to do stupid shit during my break, I'm probably going to take it because......fuck it I'm on break and I don't want to think about shit >..<

High

I am pretty high right now but not as much as earlier. I needed this fix because I was having love trouble xo the party is gay as all shit by the way. Let's see if I is better later. =3 but for now, "omnibus" by lautspretcher in the car because it's cold as tits outside xo

Post High/Pre-Party

A friends frat is throwing a party today xD that means it's the last until the next semester 3= so might as well get it thuggin tonight xp right??? 
Let's forget some problems tonight xp

Last Night WTF?!?

I'm letting this be a weird black and grey smokey color for obvious reasons. Last night, I know I drank and I know I did a shit ton of weed. The thing is, I don't know exactly how much of either I did. Last night is a complete blur and feels like a dream. By the way, I don't want to be seen in this light that I'm a little druggy or alcoholic or anything along those lines. I only do stupid shit like that on occasion. Like now because The semester is over and because I'm having "relationship" trouble. So please don't judge me the wrong way xo I'm glad I got my fix last night though, and tonight we have a party to go to where I do plan to get pretty fucked up because it's the end of the semester, and the last thing happening before every college student goes running home to their parents house. However, I'm one of those that's trying not to go home for various reasons. I might just go for Christmas but that's about it. Let's see what the rest of the day brings......Last night though.....SHIIIIIIEEEEEETTTTT!!!!! xp haha

Alcoholism

This is the color that Jack Daniel's looks like right??? I'm not an alcoholic in any way shape or form but hey, I'm in college and have problems and what not and I need to escape every now and then too you know >..< It's all because of the person I like too xo Fucking horse shit if you ask me. What makes things worse, said person is in my apartment right now and I was in the middle of drinking to forget about this person >..< Bitch why you kill my vibe for ;'{ //cries river like a bitch//  Haha but no, I didn't start drinking until college and it was only because of this person. So I will drink my sorrows away on this shit tasting liquor and hope I come across something better to get fucked up on because I'm on break and I have nothing to do, also I'm already set on getting fucked up so hey, I'll take just about anything so long as I don't get addicted or die xp But seriously, anything other than Fireball, Rumchata, and Buttershots, tastes like shit xo

Jealousy

This is the ugly green caught in the darkness of the black tainted heart. Why the fuck did I fall in love. This wasn't what my college life was suppose to be. I couldn't be my usual self and tell everyone to go fuck themselves, instead the bullshit "you need to make friends, experience life, and have fun" lines that everyone throws out when becoming a freshman were put into my mind like inception. But deeper and farther below than just that third level of the dream within a dream lies the deep dark abyss not like limbo but something much worse than so. Filled with that green envy of jealousy for that person I have feeling for,,, is holding another. So think of it I shant and distract I shall do, as I listen to Dir En Grey and I claw and my wounds. I have destroyed my arms, though that matters not, for there is no one to hold me, I fall in the dark. How long can I wait,,, of that I'm not sure. Will we ever be,,, of course I don't know. All the answers lie in you, and everything you do. Whom will you choose. Not question of choice??? You can't hear my voice. Because I'm not an option, I gave all I had,,, due to my wrong assumption.
Ai wa Gomi desu, demo daisuki, saranghae, Ich Liebe Dich, Te Amo, Wo ai ni, Je T'aime.
It is your choice,,,,,,there was never and option.

Finals 2

Yes here I goes again with another blog about finals and shit. But I'm done with finals so fuck the world xO However, my RA is not. So I'm here laying on his bed as he last minute crams all the info of his music history class for a final he's taking in like 3 hours. Obviously he's on a shit ton of aderole and hasn't slept worth dick. We went out for a cigarrette and he was fucking hallucinating. He's fucked up as all shit, and most likely fucked for this final. I'll stay up for the 3rd night in a row (almost at 72 hours of being awake) just to keep you company and awake so that you can study for this. My dear friend, I wish you luck. :3
FIGHTING!!!

Sleepless

Ever since taking all that aderole and energy drink on the day of my finals I haven't been the same. Like I haven't eaten anything and haven't been sleeping. I've been watching so much fucking South Park and I stand on the top floor of the parking structure to watch the sunrise.Sure it sounds cool but I've done this about 3 days in a  row. xO What the actual fuck!!! And since finals are over and I have no classes, I feel like I don't have anything to do with my life. Sure South Park is funny and anime and kdramas are the shit but the only think I do outside is if I go out somewhere with Yuki and she goes back to Japan for vacation on Friday xo So I wonder what I'll do then??? Maybe sleep xp Haha

U.U

I haven't slept in over 48 hours xo L' aderole works like a motherfucker. I'm still not even sleepy like what the actual fuck >..< I'm on vacation so fuck sleep xO Just been reading AKF all day since I'm done with finals. Thanks opparrrr for giving me something to do during break xp Wonder if he'd hate me for fangirling over him haha. 

IT'S OVER XD

Finals are officially over and I'm done with this daigaku no gakusei life for a good 4 weeks or so xD I think I did well too xD So I thought it'd be a good idea to grab another energy drink (this time mountain dew kickstart) just in case and I chugged it before class. I was so fucking wired it was cray as shit >..< I finished really early and got to go over my work 2 full times xD I'm still sure I didn't get a perfect score though xo
But yeah, when I started my test my heart was racing and when I got down to writing my pencil just flowed through the paper so quickly. :3 But when it was finally over and time to get up, I had trouble standing up and the hyung had to help me walk haha. So if anyone is going to try and do 2 aderoles and 3 energy drinks before finals, do it at your own risk xp.

I'll tell more about this later when I'm coming off of it xp Maybe tonight, I'm getting addicted to this blogging stuff xD

In 2's

Aderole number 2, monster number 2, final number 2. Time 2 do this shit xO ... In exactly 40 minutes shit I need to study more >..< I'm so wired right now haha
Damn college xP

GAHHH XO

Okay last post before finals >..< I'm getting kind of nervous but let's hope I get through this well and it paves a good path to my next final and I do well. xD Yes??? Okay. Ikimashou!!! FIGHTING.
Oh and if anyone reads anything I post and is willing to help my blog look kawaii desu desu please do hehe x3

Monster

I'm just drank a green Monster energy drink and I'm still on the aderole and I'm focused as all shit. Maybe I'm posting a shit ton but hey, it's my first time doing stupid things like this and I'm in college so why the hell not right??? Also I realize that I'm posting a lot of things today even though it's my first day of making this blog xp But that's kind of because I look up to the Senpais of Edohsama.blogspot and the Opparssssss of AntiKpopFangirl. Check those blogs out if you don't already do. :3

Since I'm wired as all shit right now I'm sure I'll be posting more on this later on today after my finals. That is assuming I don't have a crash phase >..<

Finals

It's finals week and for some reason drugs have been flying around everywhere. I have 2 hours until my first final and then I have another straight after that. I was giving some aderole and told it's like a weaker version of meth. I'm not feeling anything, but at least I'm not sleepy. :3 I might have some energy drink and one more pill later to get me through the day. Let's see how that shit goes >..< Wish me luck.

FIGHTING!!! 

to be, or not to be.

Who the fuck am I kidding I didn't want to be. It was 2013x12x15 and I was feeling jealous. So I decided on taking up the offer of that burning bush to forget my problems. After doing it, I didn't feel much different. I thought everything was a fucking dream it was totes cray >..< If you're ever going to do stupid shit like that, it's when you're stressing over retarted fucking bullshit during finals week that has nothing to do with finals. I'm not opposed to do it again though. Oh fuck I have finals in 5 hours. xo